With every passing of the old and bringing in of the new, my mind naturally drifts to rebirth. This year I get stuck. I have been traveling the US since I got back, searching for something that seems be getting further and further away.
I spent Christmas in New Orleans surrounded by strangers in a hostel. There was the crazy gay Scotsman that will be a lifelong friend, the two amazing Aussie girls, the hippie, wandering, motorcycle riding Swede, the adorable engineer from New Hampshire and an assortment of other characters that made up the fabric of my holiday. It was the best Christmas I have ever had. I felt at home for the first time in a long time and in the back of my thoughts, I think that there must be something wrong with me.
When asked where I live, I don't have an answer except that I am homeless but not indigent. I just can't seem to get excited about living someplace, living anywhere really. I am afraid of the settling down factor and I realize that it's not normal. I know that I am extremely blessed, being able to work from anywhere, all I need is an internet connection. A part of me wants my own bed to come home to, and a louder part of me wants to keep exploring. I am so very afraid of the very security that I yearn for at times and so I fight it with all I have. But then it changes once again and I picture a place with books and plants, a bed, a couch for friends to crash on, maybe I could even have a real grown-up relationship with a guy.
My only solution is to pick up my car tomorrow and hit the road. I plan to take back roads, completely skipping interstates and see where they take me. I'm hoping to chance upon a tiny town somewhere that screams at me to stay. If that fails, I will end up in Maine, as far North as I can go. A lobster town on the coast appeals to me a bit. Not the scream from the mountains excitement I am used to feeling, but still, it's something. In the meantime I am going to explore the fabric that makes up the US; tiny coastal towns, farming communities with one diner and a feed-store, the back-roads and bar lights, and the interesting stories that people will tell.
2010 was the best year I have ever had. Despite my still injured leg and all the trials I went through, I wouldn't change a single moment. I said last year, on the new day of the new year that I didn't want to not know where I would be exactly a year later and I am right there. I think my resolution will stay the same for this year, having that one option at the end of the year, to not really know where I am going is a good resolution to have and keep for me.
Thank you for reading my blog over the past year. I wish you all the happiest, most prosperous year possible. Keep dreaming, exploring, hoping, and knowing that you are all amazing.
Peace, love, and joy!
Lara
You rock Lara; you're an advanced human living in an old style society. I think that's why you're feeling not normal. To me, you've achieved a dream state of living that I continue to struggle for, but work toward everyday. In a sense, you're a mentor, a pioneer that I will always think of, even though I've never met you. I hope that gives you some good feelings. Happy new year.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment. It made me feel grounded and happy. Lets set a resolution to meet up somewhere in the New Year :-)
ReplyDeleteI hitchhiked around America for 11 years straight. If you added up all the time that I slept in a real house during those years it may add up to 2 years tops. I couldn't get a drivers license when I was on the road because I didn't have a legitimate home address. I asked the MVD what an address had to do with my ability to drive. Like I said,no license. Eventually, I did settle down somewhere long enough to have an address but when I moved again MVD couldn't get a hold of me so it expired. None of this ever slowed me down. Home is where the heart is. The BLACK RIVER is made of asphalt so it's hard to go below the surface unless you're traveling down it on foot. I wish you many miles and smiles. Signed, Ed Buley aka. ROC HOLIDAY
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