I crossed the street yesterday and forgot to look both ways. No, nothing happened. I didn't get even close to being in danger. I just simply forgot that rule.
Since I have been back in the US, I have been in a daze. I almost feel as though I boarded my plane bound for America and with each mile that passed, my mind became more and more clouded. I left a world that was so vibrate and so alive and came back to one that I'm not quite used to yet. Yesterday, I crossed that street and went into a Target to buy shampoo. I stood in front of the choices for several minutes and finally picked one. It all seemed so silly to me. It seems to me that too many choices only makes for a society that is hell bent on having even more choices. America is truly a land of consumers, always NEEDING the newest and the best thing and it just feels so empty to me. I in my own way, used to be a part of that.
Do you want to know the truly sad part? As I crossed that busy street, I felt a certain amount of shame. To not have a car and not be driving myself to the store made me feel ashamed. I spent months walking everywhere I could and can't remember once feeling like I wanted to drive. I would tell the myriads of cab and motorbike drivers in whatever city I was in that no, I didn't need a ride, I have 2 feet that suit me just fine. Perhaps it is me that is at fault here and memories of a past life lived are creeping in, or perhaps it's not just me that feels like I don't fit in if I don't have "stuff". I'm not really sure.
I'm also having a hard time getting used to the endless complaining about everything under the sun. Really? So the TSA wants to scan you? Well for Christs sake you MUST spend your precious time rallying against them. Now, don't get me wrong, I will always rally for equal rights for all in the USA and I will always join the fight for freedom of speech. But some of the things people get so worked up about here at home just seem so damn silly to me. I used to be one of you. It took actually leaving to get a broader picture of what is really important in life.
I really don't know where I am going to fit in here. I think I have a pretty good picture of how I want things to go, but its the getting there that is going to be the tough part. I am a firm believer in reinventing myself every moment, everyday, and every year, and I do know what I don't want. It's the getting there that is always the tough part. But maybe with each tiny shift in thinking, a sense of purpose will be regained.
Before I get any comments like "If you hate it here, why don't you leave?" I would like to point out how tiresome comments like that have become. If you yourself have absolutely no complaints about the USA, our government, and the way we are so absolutely consumed with things here, then perhaps you need to leave. Change has
never come to a person, a neighborhood, a city, or an entire country, with
complacency and complete happiness with the status quo.
Peace, love, and joy
Lara
Lara, your post made me recall the book, "Paradox of Choice, in which the author Barry Schwartz makes a compelling argument based on psychological research that the increasing number of choices in America contributes to our unhappiness. I also thought of "The Story of Stuff video, in which Annie Leonard makes the same point--that our consumer-based economy also contributes to our unhappiness.
ReplyDeleteI always enjoy reading your blogs.
Angela from CHS