Sometimes, I feel as though my whole life is spent in pursuit of the sweet spot. You know what I'm talking about right? Those moments in time, where for a brief second you are you no longer. You become more than what and who you are. The thing about the sweet spot, is that it can only be reached through mindless doing. It's the place where fear cannot reside, fear kills the sweet spot. It's the place where the outside world fades away to nothing, receding into the background of all that threatens to steal that moment in time from you.
My sweet spots come have been coming infrequently at best these days. They are there though, I can see them on the horizon of my doing, and they taunt me with offers of moments of grace in time. I usually find them when I am outside. Rock climbing, surfing, skiing, or hiking. Occasionally, they reach out and grab me when I am writing and I fade to nothing concrete. Indeed, the quest is selfish. However, I use the term selfish in a positive way. Being selfish, at times, is a good thing.
And sometimes, in those moments in time, where all is forgotten and you are simply doing, your light shines bright enough to light up the whole world. The downside, of course, is that constantly searching for it can be a very lonely place to reside within permanently. Their is a truth about me that I know, it may change, but right now it is my reality. It is simply this, nothing and no one every really sticks to me. I drift. 5 years from now, I think I will be doing the same things, maybe moved onto a different place and a different career, a new boyfriend to be caught up in, a new landscape of life. Nothing sticks. I don't know why I can't fix that part of me that is constantly searching, refusing to put down roots. I don't know if I should even be fixing it. The biggest part of me loves that I am so free-spirited, loves that I have the strength to move on and out, but I broke down last night, realizing that the flip side is that it is a lonely place to be, a lonely place to live. I am all about living for the moment right now and I truly like that about myself. It seems as though I decided way back when I was a kid, not to let myself ever get stuck. And I haven't, but lonely it can be. For me, getting stuck kills the very nature sweet spot. Words like "secure" "stable" and "roots" are in no way part of my own personal sweet spot. So, I think that I will continue on my quest. Perhaps one day, I'll see you down the road, and catch a glimpse of you in your own little sweet spot. Alone, yet shining nonetheless.
Peace and love,
Lara
I can relate to this so much. That Sweet Spot is illusive, but so sweet when we feel it. Lately Fear kills it too often for me. I hope to get beyond that someday. Love your writing and often reflect on your posts for days after reading them. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Jacqueline! I write for my own personal reasons, but it feels good to know that other people enjoy .
ReplyDeleteNice post. Never thought of it as 'the sweet spot' but being an avid tennis player I guess I should have, lol ;) very relevant to tennis players too getting into their stride, e.g. first time Nadal beat Federer in Wimbledon championship final. I like to think of it as sublimity - that feeling of 100% natural euphoria with a sense of it being divine (or as Eckart Tolle says in A New Earth... 'The descent of divine into matter'). It can be felt itself or seen in others, or both, e.g. others creating the feeling in you (e.g. great singing voice (Elvis, Hank Williams, Whitney Houston for example), sports event / big winning play (e.g. Paul Hamm's superman comeback in the Olympics from last place to 1st place), awesome art (e.g. Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam) etc, can all be felt by you. The great conflict though is that if you are consciously in search of sublimity you can never achieve it... so best to find something you love to do and fully engage in it... Live 'in the now' (but don't think about it! lol). Others will see your sublimity as it happens and you can look back and see it too, after the fact... (a little like lucid dreaming I guess). Something that might cheer you up a little is that I visit this blog to be uplifted, relating to another person clearly in search of sublimity, or at least a person who I think consciously enjoys that feeling of sublimity as much as I do... so rejoice in the fact that you bring positivity and light to others and you will not feel lonesome again. Even if you do 'uproot' every few years this can be seen as a great thing! You get to positively impact on more people! And if you do feel down then just look to that which inspires you most, e.g. throw on some music that makes you feel alive and uplifted ;)
ReplyDeleteSome relevant quotes I like:
There are three words that convey the secret of the art of living, the secret of all success and happiness: One With Life. Being one with life is being one with Now. You then realize that you don't live life, but life lives you. Life is the dancer, and you are the dance. - Eckart Tolle - A New Earth
Even belief in God is a poor substitue for the living reality of God manifesting every moment of your life.
When you are in the present, when your attention is fully in the Now, that presence will flow into and transform what you do. There will be quality and power in it. You are present when what you are doing is not primarily a means to an end (money, prestige, winning) but fullfilling in itself, when there is joy and aliveness in what you do.
Success should not be measured in what you will buy or own, but in the pride you feel in the person you're with...when you are all alone. - Linda Ellis.
Keep up the great blog. Shine on.
Ross.
Probably one of the best blogs I've ever read.
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