Well, I've done it again. I've massively and hugely failed at yet another relationship. This time I took a long hard look at myself. And then I looked again and yet again. Man, was that eye-opening.
The fact is, I sort of bought into the well meaning phrases sent my way all the time and got very confused. I have been confused for years, and am only now waking up and I take full responsibility for the buying in and the confusion. However, here are my least liked phrases people send single, 30's something, restless me and the reasons why I don't care for them. Look, I know your heart may be in the right place, but please stop.
"You're just not ready to settle down"-OK, here's the deal. I don't want to settle down. Who says that should be my end goal? Who decided for me that staying in one place was the way to go? Now, I admit I have completely bought into that simple phrase. Spending time this past year wishing for roots, wishing for something that I can't exactly define. I bought into it because at a very deep level, we are all told that it's the way to live and to be. I love my light bulb moment last week when I said to myself "Fuck that. I truly don't want that." I have never really lived my life according to anyone elses standards but mine and every time I have tried, I have gone a little cray-cray. I don't walk around looking at settle downed people who complain about it and say "You're just not ready to not be settled down." So please, give me the same respect and stop saying the opposite.
"You just haven't met the right person"- Really? I actually have. I've met and dated several "right" men. But, at the core or it, I am not willing to compromise in anyway to have a "successful" relationship. The ways I would have to compromise are pretty big. And honestly, why should I have to give up my wandering, moving, traveling, exploring and general restlessness for a guy. I don't want a house, I don't want stuff, and I damn well am not going to pay for some dude to have those things. That's not to say that I haven't and don't love a few of the ones I have been with, they were all the "right" ones. It's just saying that there is no way I will give up the basic core of who I am for a man. I sure as hell don't compromise what and who I am for my friends, why would I ever do that for a man?
"I hope you find happiness"-This absolutely drives me crazy. First of all, you don't "find" or "pursue" or "seek" happiness. Happiness finds you in those brief moments pure joy. Happiness is a deep knowledge that you will never ever give up, that you can survive anything. Happiness is love, love for yourself and those you call friends and for most of you, family. And here's the thing with your "happiness" phrase, NO ONE is always happy. Not even you. Just because I choose to express unhappiness at times more than some, doesn't mean that the core of me is unhappy.
"You're going to end up alone with 87 cats"-Sorry to tell you this, but we ALL end up alone at the very end. If you're saying that along my journey I will be alone, well, that's just not true. I have so many people that love me and that I give that love right back to in this world. How could I ever end up alone? I like cats too. So, if you're saying that to "scare" me into getting into a relationship just for the security of hoping that I won't end up alone, it's not working. I won't do it.
So, where did my thought process end up through all of this. Well, I realized that I need to 100% stop making commitments to guys on a whim because I NEVER follow through with them. I realized that I have hurt some really wonderful guys with false commitments and I won't do that again. I realized that I have been trying to compromise who I am for years in the some weird hope that I could find someone, when at the heart of it, I don't want that. The thing is, I am making this choice now and truly accepting all of the consequences that come along with it. Sure, it gets lonely at times. OK, got it, been there, I accept that. Sure, sometimes you look at your friends and say "I wish I could find that". That's when I will slap myself lightly on the cheek and say "No, you don't, knock it off". So please you guys, I love you all and I know you're just trying to help, but please stop.
As far as my future, realizing all of this is like a massive rainbow lighting it up. My purpose is shining clearer than ever. Stay tuned, it's going to be a glorious solo ride with happiness, sadness, joy, and togetherness joining me.
Peace, love, and joy
Lara
The fact is, I sort of bought into the well meaning phrases sent my way all the time and got very confused. I have been confused for years, and am only now waking up and I take full responsibility for the buying in and the confusion. However, here are my least liked phrases people send single, 30's something, restless me and the reasons why I don't care for them. Look, I know your heart may be in the right place, but please stop.
"You're just not ready to settle down"-OK, here's the deal. I don't want to settle down. Who says that should be my end goal? Who decided for me that staying in one place was the way to go? Now, I admit I have completely bought into that simple phrase. Spending time this past year wishing for roots, wishing for something that I can't exactly define. I bought into it because at a very deep level, we are all told that it's the way to live and to be. I love my light bulb moment last week when I said to myself "Fuck that. I truly don't want that." I have never really lived my life according to anyone elses standards but mine and every time I have tried, I have gone a little cray-cray. I don't walk around looking at settle downed people who complain about it and say "You're just not ready to not be settled down." So please, give me the same respect and stop saying the opposite.
"You just haven't met the right person"- Really? I actually have. I've met and dated several "right" men. But, at the core or it, I am not willing to compromise in anyway to have a "successful" relationship. The ways I would have to compromise are pretty big. And honestly, why should I have to give up my wandering, moving, traveling, exploring and general restlessness for a guy. I don't want a house, I don't want stuff, and I damn well am not going to pay for some dude to have those things. That's not to say that I haven't and don't love a few of the ones I have been with, they were all the "right" ones. It's just saying that there is no way I will give up the basic core of who I am for a man. I sure as hell don't compromise what and who I am for my friends, why would I ever do that for a man?
"I hope you find happiness"-This absolutely drives me crazy. First of all, you don't "find" or "pursue" or "seek" happiness. Happiness finds you in those brief moments pure joy. Happiness is a deep knowledge that you will never ever give up, that you can survive anything. Happiness is love, love for yourself and those you call friends and for most of you, family. And here's the thing with your "happiness" phrase, NO ONE is always happy. Not even you. Just because I choose to express unhappiness at times more than some, doesn't mean that the core of me is unhappy.
"You're going to end up alone with 87 cats"-Sorry to tell you this, but we ALL end up alone at the very end. If you're saying that along my journey I will be alone, well, that's just not true. I have so many people that love me and that I give that love right back to in this world. How could I ever end up alone? I like cats too. So, if you're saying that to "scare" me into getting into a relationship just for the security of hoping that I won't end up alone, it's not working. I won't do it.
So, where did my thought process end up through all of this. Well, I realized that I need to 100% stop making commitments to guys on a whim because I NEVER follow through with them. I realized that I have hurt some really wonderful guys with false commitments and I won't do that again. I realized that I have been trying to compromise who I am for years in the some weird hope that I could find someone, when at the heart of it, I don't want that. The thing is, I am making this choice now and truly accepting all of the consequences that come along with it. Sure, it gets lonely at times. OK, got it, been there, I accept that. Sure, sometimes you look at your friends and say "I wish I could find that". That's when I will slap myself lightly on the cheek and say "No, you don't, knock it off". So please you guys, I love you all and I know you're just trying to help, but please stop.
As far as my future, realizing all of this is like a massive rainbow lighting it up. My purpose is shining clearer than ever. Stay tuned, it's going to be a glorious solo ride with happiness, sadness, joy, and togetherness joining me.
Peace, love, and joy
Lara
you surf so you should get this. you can put two on a board and it's fun but it's just not the same. the party is on the beach and that's fun too, but the real thrill is the solo ride. that ride is never the same. sometimes your on the lip, sometimes in the soup, and every once in awhile you find yourself in the curl! if you wipe out don't let that wave pin you down. get back up, paddle out, and catch the next one. Fuck what other people say about your life and how you live it and try hard not to leave broken hearts behind.
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