Same Same but Different

Thinking. I didn't realize before I set out on this journey of mine, how much time I would really have to sit alone with my thoughts. While riding buses, trains, and planes my thoughts mostly bounce to home and the things I miss and well, don't miss at all.

I miss my house in Las Vegas, but more importantly, I miss having my own little sanctuary to come home to. But I also love discovering new guest houses and have gotten quite good at picking the best ones in an area. I miss having my own transportation, yet love riding buses with movies playing in whatever language for whatever country I happen to be in. Yesterday, I rode a bus to the far north of Thailand and passed the hours playing with an adorable Thai baby with a silly Thai game show playing in the background. I miss happy hour with my friends, and yet I love meeting new people at creating our own happy hour in whatever country I happen to be in. I miss iceberg wedge salads with heaps of blue cheese dressing and I love authentic Pad Thai and fried chicken from a street vendor. I miss trips to Target but love venturing to evening markets set along busy side streets. Sometimes I miss having hot showers and conversely, I love the typically cold ones I take at guest houses. Really, what I miss and what I love is a giant hodge-podge of contradictions. Each situation reminding me of something from home, same same but different as the Thais would say.

What I don't miss is how stagnant my life was in the States. Sure I was constantly busy and constantly "doing". But man, out here, it changes daily. There is always something new to learn and somewhere new to explore. I can pick up and leave at a moments notice or choose to stay. I can cross into a new country, or walk to the local market, all decided within minutes. I can stay and volunteer at places or I can decide it's not for me and find something new. I absolutely love the freedom and I love the challenge of the open road. I love going to a bus or train station, not knowing where I am going and taking the next one out.

My thoughts often drift to those the I love and have loved and all the mistakes I have made in the past. Then they drift to all the good things I have done. Man, is it ever humbling to have your identity stripped and more importantly to choose to have it stripped. All you are left with is yourself, raw and open. Sometimes laughing until you cry, sometimes crying until it hurts so much you feel like you are splitting open. I am forever changed by the things I have seen and experienced and I have yet to get into the meat of my journey. I am forever humbled by the goodness in others for no other reason than that we are all bound together by this thing we call life. I am forever changed by the small amount of bad I have experienced. I am forever sorry for the way I have treated others at times and forever blessed to have so many good people I call friends around the world and at home. I am not the same person I was when I left and yet, I am still. My life is a giant contradiction of joy, sadness, adventure, sometimes boredom, awe inspiring sights, and blank walls in countless rooms. I wouldn't have it any other way. Same same person, but different.

Peace, joy, and love

Lara