Following My Heart All The Way Home

One of the hardest decisions I have had to make as of late, was my decision to come home to the States.

I have spent the past couple of weeks in more pain than I have ever been in my life. I can't walk more than 10 feet without almost falling. I feel incredibly isolated and lonely most of the time, stuck in non-descript rooms in guest houses around Bali with almost no options. I can't even walk to get a water without enduring incredible pain. Here I am, in one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to and I can't see any of it. I started to question if I can really do this for the next couple of years and I still haven't come up with an answer.

I have always been one to completely follow what my heart tells me to do and so I made the heart decision to come back to the States for a spell. A part of me feels like such a failure, because the absolute truth is that my leg will heal, it can heal here, but I do want to come home. I had all of these grandiose plans to see as much of the world as possible, but I'm not sure I can make the cut. Someone very dear to me asked me what I had learned on this journey and the list is so very long. I guess in the end, I have to hold on to that and remember that this is all part of it, of that growth and a direct result of it.

I am scared to come home. I am scared I will lose the lessons I have learned about myself and others. I will do my best to hold on to those things that have made me grow in leaps and bounds. I feel as though I will have some culture shock, after living amongst such simple, wonderful people all over the world. The love and compassion shown to me has taught me so many things. That it's OK to accept help and OK to be weak at times. It's OK to be vulnerable and I don't have to be tough all of the time. Any sort of ego I had, was knocked out of me with a hammer like blow so many times in so many different places.

I still don't want the typical American life. I am still going to be traveling around, seeing friends, working a bit (man, how I have missed work) and being the best friend possible to those that know how to be a friend to me.

My plans are to fly to San Fransisco later this week from Sydney, then go to Vegas for a couple of days to see a few people and then off to Atlanta to see some friends from my past life there. After that, I will be going to St. Thomas for Thanksgiving and from there? Who knows. I sure don't. But, still this is my journey, just tweaked a bit and of course, I like not knowing.

I am going to remain open to any and all possibilities. I think I will end up in some pretty spectacular places with people that know and love me. And that my friends, is where I need to be right now.

Peace, love, and joy

Lara