Thinking. I didn't realize before I set out on this journey of mine, how much time I would really have to sit alone with my thoughts. While riding buses, trains, and planes my thoughts mostly bounce to home and the things I miss and well, don't miss at all.
I miss my house in Las Vegas, but more importantly, I miss having my own little sanctuary to come home to. But I also love discovering new guest houses and have gotten quite good at picking the best ones in an area. I miss having my own transportation, yet love riding buses with movies playing in whatever language for whatever country I happen to be in. Yesterday, I rode a bus to the far north of Thailand and passed the hours playing with an adorable Thai baby with a silly Thai game show playing in the background. I miss happy hour with my friends, and yet I love meeting new people at creating our own happy hour in whatever country I happen to be in. I miss iceberg wedge salads with heaps of blue cheese dressing and I love authentic Pad Thai and fried chicken from a street vendor. I miss trips to Target but love venturing to evening markets set along busy side streets. Sometimes I miss having hot showers and conversely, I love the typically cold ones I take at guest houses. Really, what I miss and what I love is a giant hodge-podge of contradictions. Each situation reminding me of something from home, same same but different as the Thais would say.
What I don't miss is how stagnant my life was in the States. Sure I was constantly busy and constantly "doing". But man, out here, it changes daily. There is always something new to learn and somewhere new to explore. I can pick up and leave at a moments notice or choose to stay. I can cross into a new country, or walk to the local market, all decided within minutes. I can stay and volunteer at places or I can decide it's not for me and find something new. I absolutely love the freedom and I love the challenge of the open road. I love going to a bus or train station, not knowing where I am going and taking the next one out.
My thoughts often drift to those the I love and have loved and all the mistakes I have made in the past. Then they drift to all the good things I have done. Man, is it ever humbling to have your identity stripped and more importantly to choose to have it stripped. All you are left with is yourself, raw and open. Sometimes laughing until you cry, sometimes crying until it hurts so much you feel like you are splitting open. I am forever changed by the things I have seen and experienced and I have yet to get into the meat of my journey. I am forever humbled by the goodness in others for no other reason than that we are all bound together by this thing we call life. I am forever changed by the small amount of bad I have experienced. I am forever sorry for the way I have treated others at times and forever blessed to have so many good people I call friends around the world and at home. I am not the same person I was when I left and yet, I am still. My life is a giant contradiction of joy, sadness, adventure, sometimes boredom, awe inspiring sights, and blank walls in countless rooms. I wouldn't have it any other way. Same same person, but different.
Peace, joy, and love
Lara
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Life 5 Years After People
After spending several weeks traveling at an exhausting speed through several countries, I decided it was time to settle in and do some volunteering in Thailand. I found a project 25km from Chiang Mai, Thailand and began my work there yesterday. I didn't know what to expect, but I had a feeling that I was in for a completely different experience.
I met Chris, an American ex-pat (from South Dakota of all places) and former Buddhist monk, at a Wat that he does Buddhist teaching and immediately liked him. Chris and his Thai wife live in Chiang Mai with their 2 daughters, one of which is crawling all over me right now. His wife is an international lawyer and a lovely woman. Chris and I drove through the outskirts of Chiang Mai to what will be known as the Metta Experience. Metta is a luxury resort that never came to fruition. It has sat empty for 5 years in the jungle.
Stepping out of his car I immediately was attacked by mosquitoes, crazy huge ones that seemed to really like me. We walked through the buildings on the property and it's hard to describe what I saw. It is truly an episode of "Life After People-5 Years" up there. The rooms, which were supposed to be guest rooms and will be again had been taken over by various forms of life. Mold on the vaulted ceilings, spiders everywhere, dead mice and geckos on the floor, and snails. The main area for eating and lounging has amazingly beautiful furniture in it, with bamboo roofs that are partly caved in. The vines have overtaken the sides of the buildings, climbing up them as they do. The structures are intact for the most part and shouldn't take much to fix up, but it was the cleaning that still makes me feel as though my skin is crawling with bugs.
I started on what will be my room for the duration of my stay, armed with a can of extra strong bug spray and a bamboo broom. I received a cobweb shower for my efforts, sweeping the ceiling and moving onto the floors. Spraying along the edge of the room, I traced a trail of chemicals that killed everything within minutes. The bed and mattress seemed almost pristine, never having been slept in and with the original sheets from 5 years ago. I stripped the bed and pulled the mattress back from the wall and found a termite colony. There were literally thousands of termites in the bed. I'm not a squeamish person, but that was a little too much for me and yet, I carried on. Die termites die! The bathrooms in my room and all of the rooms are massive and completely western. The rooms all have private balconies and the detail and work put into the place is amazing. It's a shame that it didn't originally open when it was built, but I think that happens a lot here.
I moved through the 7 main rooms, cleaning as I went and waiting for the water to be fixed. Unfortunately, Chris wasn't able to fix the water or the power in the main units, but the community room has power. Chris and his wife were gracious enough to let me stay at their house in Chiang Mai last night and I got to eat the first home cooked meal I have had in months.
Today, I am going back to Metta with Chris and another volunteer. I will be spending the night up there and several subsequent days and nights helping them restore the property. I can live without electricity in my room for a bit and I can pee in the woods. I really like what they are trying to do with the center, make it into a Eco-community were people can come and stay and learn about Buddhism, meditation, and Eco-farming without having to pay a ton of money. I am the very first volunteer that they have had and I feel a certain amount of ownership in the project already. It's a really good feeling to feel like I am helping to create something. Doing something just do it, not for monetary gain feels really good. The experience is worth the discomfort. Being on the typical tourist trail can feel a bit empty and hedonistic at times and that feeling has all but disappeared being at Metta. It will be great to visit in the future and see what has become of it. I know that I will always have a home there, already finding a little part of Thailand that I can make my own. Check out the website for Metta: http://www.mettaexperiment.org/.
Peace, love, and joy from the jungle in Thailand.
Lara
I met Chris, an American ex-pat (from South Dakota of all places) and former Buddhist monk, at a Wat that he does Buddhist teaching and immediately liked him. Chris and his Thai wife live in Chiang Mai with their 2 daughters, one of which is crawling all over me right now. His wife is an international lawyer and a lovely woman. Chris and I drove through the outskirts of Chiang Mai to what will be known as the Metta Experience. Metta is a luxury resort that never came to fruition. It has sat empty for 5 years in the jungle.
Stepping out of his car I immediately was attacked by mosquitoes, crazy huge ones that seemed to really like me. We walked through the buildings on the property and it's hard to describe what I saw. It is truly an episode of "Life After People-5 Years" up there. The rooms, which were supposed to be guest rooms and will be again had been taken over by various forms of life. Mold on the vaulted ceilings, spiders everywhere, dead mice and geckos on the floor, and snails. The main area for eating and lounging has amazingly beautiful furniture in it, with bamboo roofs that are partly caved in. The vines have overtaken the sides of the buildings, climbing up them as they do. The structures are intact for the most part and shouldn't take much to fix up, but it was the cleaning that still makes me feel as though my skin is crawling with bugs.
I started on what will be my room for the duration of my stay, armed with a can of extra strong bug spray and a bamboo broom. I received a cobweb shower for my efforts, sweeping the ceiling and moving onto the floors. Spraying along the edge of the room, I traced a trail of chemicals that killed everything within minutes. The bed and mattress seemed almost pristine, never having been slept in and with the original sheets from 5 years ago. I stripped the bed and pulled the mattress back from the wall and found a termite colony. There were literally thousands of termites in the bed. I'm not a squeamish person, but that was a little too much for me and yet, I carried on. Die termites die! The bathrooms in my room and all of the rooms are massive and completely western. The rooms all have private balconies and the detail and work put into the place is amazing. It's a shame that it didn't originally open when it was built, but I think that happens a lot here.
I moved through the 7 main rooms, cleaning as I went and waiting for the water to be fixed. Unfortunately, Chris wasn't able to fix the water or the power in the main units, but the community room has power. Chris and his wife were gracious enough to let me stay at their house in Chiang Mai last night and I got to eat the first home cooked meal I have had in months.
Today, I am going back to Metta with Chris and another volunteer. I will be spending the night up there and several subsequent days and nights helping them restore the property. I can live without electricity in my room for a bit and I can pee in the woods. I really like what they are trying to do with the center, make it into a Eco-community were people can come and stay and learn about Buddhism, meditation, and Eco-farming without having to pay a ton of money. I am the very first volunteer that they have had and I feel a certain amount of ownership in the project already. It's a really good feeling to feel like I am helping to create something. Doing something just do it, not for monetary gain feels really good. The experience is worth the discomfort. Being on the typical tourist trail can feel a bit empty and hedonistic at times and that feeling has all but disappeared being at Metta. It will be great to visit in the future and see what has become of it. I know that I will always have a home there, already finding a little part of Thailand that I can make my own. Check out the website for Metta: http://www.mettaexperiment.org/.
Peace, love, and joy from the jungle in Thailand.
Lara
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Forever Dreaming
"Where you from?" asked my Tuk-Tuk driver as he was whizzing me through the streets of Chiang Mai, Thailand. "America, Las Vegas". "Oh, Oh! My dream, Las Vegas, my dream!" He exclaimed in an excited voice. For the rest of the drive he bombarded me with question about life in the Vegas. I told him that someday he might be able to make it there. He looked at me with an incredulous look and said "Impossible, impossible". It's moments like those that are heart wrenching and surprisingly emotional for me. I have told myself over and over again that I do know how lucky we all are, living in western countries and fortunate by our birth right to do anything we want and go anywhere we want if only we work hard enough for it. But, saying and seeing it are two entirely different things and his words and emotion will stay with me for a very long time. My Tuk-tuk driver will never make it to Las Vegas, it is truly impossible for him. It is so very very sad to me that people here and in other poor countries have dreams and cannot possibly ever fulfill them. And yet, he is still happy. Happy to be where he is and as he told me with a mischievous grin, happy to travel to Laos where Thais apparently can live like kings.
After a nightmare red-eye flight from Berlin, I landed in Bangkok and immediately fell in love with Thailand and the Thai people. Smiles abound, even when you know they are secretly disappointed that you aren't buying their knock-off Chanel purses or cheap necklaces. I stayed for 3 nights in Khao San, the backpacker ghetto of Bangkok. Khao San has to be seen to be believed. Streets filled with vendors, sidewalk stalls selling food and hippies everywhere. White people abound complete with dreadlocks and bare feet walking down the streets. I was able to go to a couple of temples and see the giant Buddha and palace and then it was time to leave the city for a quieter place. The more I travel, the more I try to stay away from the large cities. I don't want to do the usual tourist trap activities, but rather, experience life the way the locals do. I met 3 guys in Bangkok and decided to take the night train to Chiang Mia with them, the adventure capital of Thailand. The train was an adventure in itself. 15 hours in a non-AC car that swayed like a never ending earthquake. The noise from the tracks was so loud it was impossible to sleep. I huddle in my upper bunk and surprisingly enough, did not curse every moment. I think I am actually getting used to the discomfort of this journey. Learning to just go with the flow and knowing that everything does in fact come to an end.
Tomorrow I am going on a jungle trek that includes a bit of white water rafting and elephant riding. After that I am going 25km out of the city to volunteer at a yoga and meditation center for a couple of weeks. I am excited to be leaving the backpacker trail for a bit, even though I was dying to get back on it just a week ago. My plans are loose from there. I am determined to travel to Burma, if anything for the stamp in my passport. After that, I will be in Laos, Vietnam and then down to Cambodia to settle in for a bit volunteering at the Ocean Conservation Center.
My Tuk-tuk driver, is no doubt at this moment, is trying to solicit tourist. All the while, with a smile on his face and visions of bright lights and casinos swimming in his mind. His dreams will have to stay where they are, forever in his mind and his heart. I am so very lucky.
Peace, love, and joy from Thailand
Lara
After a nightmare red-eye flight from Berlin, I landed in Bangkok and immediately fell in love with Thailand and the Thai people. Smiles abound, even when you know they are secretly disappointed that you aren't buying their knock-off Chanel purses or cheap necklaces. I stayed for 3 nights in Khao San, the backpacker ghetto of Bangkok. Khao San has to be seen to be believed. Streets filled with vendors, sidewalk stalls selling food and hippies everywhere. White people abound complete with dreadlocks and bare feet walking down the streets. I was able to go to a couple of temples and see the giant Buddha and palace and then it was time to leave the city for a quieter place. The more I travel, the more I try to stay away from the large cities. I don't want to do the usual tourist trap activities, but rather, experience life the way the locals do. I met 3 guys in Bangkok and decided to take the night train to Chiang Mia with them, the adventure capital of Thailand. The train was an adventure in itself. 15 hours in a non-AC car that swayed like a never ending earthquake. The noise from the tracks was so loud it was impossible to sleep. I huddle in my upper bunk and surprisingly enough, did not curse every moment. I think I am actually getting used to the discomfort of this journey. Learning to just go with the flow and knowing that everything does in fact come to an end.
Tomorrow I am going on a jungle trek that includes a bit of white water rafting and elephant riding. After that I am going 25km out of the city to volunteer at a yoga and meditation center for a couple of weeks. I am excited to be leaving the backpacker trail for a bit, even though I was dying to get back on it just a week ago. My plans are loose from there. I am determined to travel to Burma, if anything for the stamp in my passport. After that, I will be in Laos, Vietnam and then down to Cambodia to settle in for a bit volunteering at the Ocean Conservation Center.
My Tuk-tuk driver, is no doubt at this moment, is trying to solicit tourist. All the while, with a smile on his face and visions of bright lights and casinos swimming in his mind. His dreams will have to stay where they are, forever in his mind and his heart. I am so very lucky.
Peace, love, and joy from Thailand
Lara
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